can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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