You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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