one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
