Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
