there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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