Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I want is dick and wine.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
