I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
