Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
