i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
