saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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