tell your sister to shave her snatch
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
