Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
So here I am, sexting at work.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
