guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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