Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
