he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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