The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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