ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
