based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
