Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
