Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
