Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
