Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
