she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
