I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
