i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he shaved USA in his pubs
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
