there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
