Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
