i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
