Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
