More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
