He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
