you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize