Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
