Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
