I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
