When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just took my morning after pill in the library
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
