this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
