how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
