Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize