What a fucking waste of an outfit
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
