I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
