Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
