If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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