I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
