Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
