Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
