theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
