If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I could make wine with my vomit
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
