They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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