When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
