so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
