it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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