"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
