It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
