All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
