Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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