Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
