my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
