he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
