dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize