watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
