does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
