dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
