I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
