I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
