Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
