Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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