it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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