I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
