I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
