it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
