So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
