dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
