Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize