omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
