there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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