Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
