But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
