Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
