Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Even my vagina gasped.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
