my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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