When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
