So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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